FOURIIIIS

The Bash Bros Present: The Birth Of An Undersea Explorer

2011-06-28T22:40:00.009+12:00

This past June 11th would have been legendary ocean explorer and film maker, Jacques Cousteau's one hundred and first birthday. This was a milestone my fellow bloggers, The Bash Bros could not let slip past without a nautical soiree of epic proportions. FOURIIIIS was granted special VIP access to cover the event.

A smashing nautical moustache.

Bash Brother Minton has always had a soft spot for Navy men.

Bash Bros X FOURIIIIS X Beanies.

Costume improvisation at it's best.

So many Jacques, so little party time.

Stormy seas are a brewin'.

Peace!

Salty sea dog.

Planking the plank. (Nice poster in the foreground.)

This is Impact. This is also the best photo of the night.

Brad moving up the ranks.

A big WASSUP! to Bash Brother Chizzy here, for organising the event and keeping his moustache beyond it.

Human Pyramids Are Awesome!!!

2011-05-22T10:10:00.000+12:00

A human pyramid is probably the coolest thing you can do with a group of friends.

What you'll need:

At least 2 friends.
Knowledge of the self timer on your camera.
Basic geometry skills.

And that's it, now get buiding!

This blog post is dedicated to the top brick in the above pyramid.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MILLIE!!!

Sailing away… for a wee bit, then we came back.

2011-05-16T22:06:00.000+12:00

In preparation for the 34th America's Cup in San Francisco 2013, Team New Zealand are looking for any edge they can get over their competitors. Bash Brother Minton and I were more than happy to lend our expertise for an afternoon.

Meet Safety SAM, Safety Always Matters.

Two thumbs up for safety.

Brad is also safety concious.

Grindcore, this guy was actually a bit of a grindhog.

Land Ho!

No better place for boat shoes.

This is my serious sailing face, I'm considering the lyrics to my next sea shanty.

Captain Bradbeard steadys the ship.

A cold garage in The Hutt and a house that needed warming.

2011-05-03T22:30:00.000+12:00

After spending quite a few years in Wellington it's always good to go back and visit. Pity then, that there was way better things going on in The Hutt and Paremata. A classic garage party in The Hutt and a brand new home for Jfect and Tess that needed a little warming. Another perfect excuse for me to take some average photos of me enjoying myself.

Started innocently enough with pics of shoes.

Tight jean bottle opener.

Then some partying started to happen. Quite hard.

A quick game of Hutt Jenga™.

Victory!

Kim and Hayden had a romantic dance.

Not sure, but this photo amused me. Failed photoface.

Some manlove took place.

Jeff got a chainsaw, Brad held it for a bit.

We appreciated Taylor Swift and Ke$ha on the D-floor.

This photo happened at least 12 hours after the previous one, apparently I forgot to take photos of the awesome view, the house we were warming, the excellent BBQ-related spread we enjoyed and Jeff taking to some gorse with his new toy.

Jagermeister made an appearance, Jeff got scared.

Jeff had a catnap, Debbie had a jeffnap.

Good Weekend.

New Hero.

2011-04-27T12:34:00.000+12:00

I'm that guy now…

2011-04-27T11:57:00.000+12:00

Yep it's true, I'm now one of those guys that posts pics of food on their blog. If you spent 2 hours mucking about making Vege Samosas from scratch you would want people to know about it too. Bash Brother Minton deserves a mention here for his top knotch Chicken Rice Paper Rolls last night [PHOTO NOT FOUND].

Jimmy Ate Auckland… and it was delicious.

2011-04-15T13:27:00.000+12:00

Went to see Jimmy Eat World at The Powerstation on Wednesday and took along my trusty digi cam. Here's a couple snaps. They're a bit shit cos I know nothing about photography and had indulged in a couple of beverages, but I like 'em anyway. Also, I made them black and white to look all artsy and stuff.

The show was awesome by the way, best I've been to in a while. Lead Singer, Jim Adkins was incredibly sweaty, so you knew he was trying extra hard. 'Sweetness' in the encore was epic.

A Mr E. Dagger came up from Hawke's Bay to go to the show with us and mentioned he'd never been on anyone's blog before. So E. Dags this is for you.

Maybe I can do the "Doof Doof"?

2011-04-15T10:52:00.000+12:00

I have never understood why people like Drum 'n' Bass, Dubstep or anything along those lines. But someone has finally come up with a way for it to appeal to me…

P.S. Mr Cosby, I am still waiting for you to accept my facebook friendship. It's been a couple of years now, but I understand that you must be busy.

Sunday Morning YouTube

2011-04-10T10:26:00.000+12:00

These things made my hangover feel better.

My Dad the Autobot.

2011-04-03T12:35:00.000+12:00

I awoke on Saturday morning to the disappointing realisation that I was infact not a Transformer learning the way of the Autobots from my Dad, Floydimus (think Optimus Prime with a beard). I'm not entirely sure why the Decepticons were attacking our family home, but we were more than up to the task.

Sometimes dreams can be cruel.

Team Feelgood.

2011-04-01T17:47:00.000+13:00

Say 'What up?' to Tee and Eff, founding members of Team Feelgood. Team Feelgood is dedicated to happiness at all costs, whatever it takes… They are also the result of a conversation with a Mr Jimbo Frost which was aided by a couple of tasty beverages.

Tee and Eff are currently featuring in their first (and ~~probably~~ definitely only) ever Flash game, Dodgebully. The evil bully Jay Forjerk has you locked in an torturous game of Dodgeball. Give it a crack here. Highest score ever is about 13 I think…

Meet the Bash Bros.

2011-04-01T17:10:00.000+13:00

Meet the Bash Bros, a major inspiration for getting FOURIIIIS up and running again, well deserving of my first official post back in the blogging game. The Bash Bros are a two-man blogging juggernaut that are beginning to set the internet alight, especially in Denmark for some reason.

If FX dealing, songs of the day, honey badgers and Jacques Cousteau float your boat, check them out here.

Due to popular/no demand…

2011-03-31T16:23:00.000+13:00

Thanks to a fair bit of boredom, I'm back and keen for another crack at this blogging lark and have rebranded (again) to celebrate. Will try be a bit more frequent with the updates and perhaps have a bit less whinging this time. In the mean time all the old stuff is there if you want a browse, I'd prefer you didn't as most of it is garbage…

Your Humble Beardy Foureyes,
Hopkins.
xoxo

P.S. I need some friends, follow me on the right there.

Fouriiiis presents…

2010-06-22T02:11:00.000+12:00

Cucumber: Spoiler of Sandwiches, Salads and Sushi.

2009-08-27T16:43:00.001+12:00

The cucumber has bothered me for a quite some time. Supposedly a vegetable, The cucumber to me is pretty much water surrounded by substance that tastes vaguely the same as a clean bathroom smells. Or to put it another way it is basically a long watermelon that couldn't be bothered growing the red bit in the middle, settling on the bitter green skin and white tastesless bit below it. There are people out there who enjoy this farce of a vegetable. The only reason they seem to enjoy it is for it's 'fresh' taste, something I can't understand. You know some other things that are associated with freshness? Pine and Ocean Breezes, I don't see you rushing out for a pine needle sandwich or a delicious green salad tossed in an ocean breeze. If you want the food you eat and freshness to be friends, put it in a Tuppaware™ container and be done with it.

For me the cucumber really is a 'spoiler of sandwiches, salads and sushi' for the very reason that if, for instance, I bite into a sandwich to find the unwelcome surprise that some dirty rotten sandwich artist has snuck the tasteless offender in there, I simply cannot relax for the rest of said sandwich for the fear of another bite as unpleasant as the first. The same scenario goes for salad and sushi also. Another thing, try as hard as I might, these were the only three foods I could think of where cucumber makes a regular appearance. The only other thing I could think of was cocktail garnishes, there's no need for that, there's nothing wrong with mini paper umbrellas. Out of all the food in the world why must it appear in 3 things I happen to enjoy? Seriously would anyone actually notice if we got rid of it altogether?

No, no they wouldn't.

Other food related rants…
Vegequarians (or jerk vegetarians)
Pineapple is not a pizza topping
The tomato is not a fruit
Parsley: attractive garnish or unpleasant annoyance

vegequarians (or jerk vegetarians that eat fish)

2009-07-20T18:10:00.000+12:00

Today I want to have a quick wee rant about a group of people that have had my knickers in a twist for quite some time, a group of people I have cleverly named vegequarians. A vegequarian is someone who claims to be vegetarian but then is quite happy to stuff their stupid face with fish, which as far as I know quite clearly comes under the category of animal product. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with vegetarians, nor do I mind if you choose to only eat fish or poultry. Go nuts, more steak for me. It's the cheek of these jerks, calling themselves vegetarians and then claiming the moral high ground over us carnivores that has got my lenses all steamed up. How is killing and eating a fish any different to doing the same with a cow, sheep or pig? If anything fish get a pretty rough deal, essentially drowning, but in reverse I guess. Anyhoo, that's all I have to say on this. If you choose to only eat fish, that's fine by me, but you're not a vegetarian, so don't look down your nose at me when I'm tucking into a delicious slice of Ol' Daisy.

it's been a while, but…

2009-07-06T20:56:00.000+12:00

After a short break, we're finally back. Armed with new branding, a new slogan and a new layout, your fouriiiis experience will be better than ever. Enjoy.

the asian beverage experiment

2009-07-06T19:08:00.000+12:00

On a recent trip to the local KFL Asian Supermarket, Jet Feeds and I noticed the wide array of strange and unusual beverage flavours on offer. To most westerners these flavours would be far too strange, and would never be experienced. So we here at fouriiiis have taken it upon ourselves to test a few out, and perhaps introduce you to a couple of flavour explosions. Also, please welcome Mr Joseph (he likes it pronounced 'Zhosef') Symonds for a third opinion.

Black Soy Bean Drink
Ingredients: Water, Black Soybean, Cane Sugar.

First impressions: The can appears to have a rather large sack of sheep poos on it.

Looks Like…
Joe: Runny Excrement of 2 Girls 1 Cup girls.
Jet Feeds: Muddy water.
Hopkins: A bit like chocolate milk with dandruff in it.

Smells Like…
Joe: No smell to speak of.
Jet Feeds: The essence of water.
Hopkins: Almost nothing, but vaguely of old library books.

Tastes Like…
Joe: Like soy chocolate milk. Really, really good. Really good.
Jet Feeds: Sugary milk with jovial hints of soy.
Hopkins: Sugary wood milk. Not cool.

White Fungus Bird's Nest
Ingredients: Water, Sugar, White Fungus, Artificial Bird's Nest Flavour.

First impressions: How is Bird's Nest a flavour?

Looks Like…
Joe: After sex piss.
Jet Feeds: Phlegm in syrup.
Hopkins: A gang of snot buddies hanging out in a glass of spit.

Smells Like…
Joe: Stewed wines.
Jet Feeds: Phlegm in syrup.
Hopkins: A bit like wallpaper paste.

Tastes Like…
Joe: Taste is delayed. It's like nothing i've ever tasted, too chunky, too foul, like getting hit with a poo bat.
Jet Feeds: Brings tears to the eyes after initial gag reflex.
Hopkins: Rotten candy floss swimming in a spit jus.

SaXi Chuong Duong
Ingredients: Carbonated water, Sugar, Acidity regulator, Citric acid, Natural and synthetic flavours, Natural caramel colour, Sodium Benzoate.

First impressions: Yum, chemicals, my favourite.

Looks Like…
Joe: Pepsi, Coke is too good for it.
Jet Feeds: Flat coke.
Hopkins: Morning after rum and coke without the ciggie butts.

Smells Like…
Joe: Sambuca, really Strongly.
Jet Feeds: 1987.
Hopkins: Ass licorice.

Tastes Like…
Joe: Mouthwash, like drinking a can of Listerine squares.
Jet Feeds: Used mouthwash with hints of 1989.
Hopkins: Mouthwash that has been used to clear up a bad case of ass licorice.

Pearl Milk Tea
Ingredients: Water, Pearl Starch Ball, Sugar, Powdered Milk, Superior Tea Extract.

First impressions: The picture on the front appears to be a cup of tea on a chair with a magazine featuring bearded men.

Looks Like…
Joe: Mouldy old cup of tea.
Jet Feeds: Old tea.
Hopkins: Old tea with fish eggs at the bottom, that must be the Pearl Starch Balls.

Smells Like…
Joe: Peach Yoghurt.
Jet Feeds: Cream of dogs mick.
Hopkins: A femented breakfast blend with fruity undertones.

Tastes Like…
Joe: A mankey old cuppa that's been out in the sun.
Jet Feeds: Sweet beans with a hint of dogs mick.
Hopkins: Sweet tea, but the tea bag used was that of a homeless gentlemen.

Grass Jelly Drink
Ingredients: Water, Grass Jelly, Cane Sugar, Corn Starch, Honey, Pandan Leaf Flavour.

First impressions: I gagged just opening the can.

Looks Like…
Joe: A muddy river after an artic blast.
Jet Feeds: Evil Juice.
Hopkins: Guiness booze poos.

Smells Like…
Joe: Interesting, like Weet Bix and Tree.
Jet Feeds: A classroom in the holidays magnified by 10.
Hopkins: I agree with Joe, definitely Weet Bix with a hint of wood.

Tastes Like…
Joe: Bitty, won't leave you alone. It made someone dance on my grave.
Jet Feeds: An old dog's bathwater.
Hopkins: Weet Bix and wood swimming in a sea of farts. Coughing makes it worse.

So, there you have it, if that doesn't convince you to go out and try new things I don't know what will. Perhaps these reaction shots…

spectacles: not always rose coloured

2009-06-30T15:50:00.000+12:00

For my first foray back into the blogosphere, I am going to challenge the very idea behind fouriiiis, that I wear glasses and they are awesome. Brave, I know. As stylish as these snappy pieces of ocular apparel are, there are certain drawbacks to wearing a handsome pair of bifocals.

Steamy Lenses:
I know it sounds sexy, like a scene from a daytime soap opera "Oh baby, did you just boil the kettle? because you've got my lenses all steamed up", but there are certain daily tasks all you non-visually impaired folk out there take for granted. For those of us blessed with the need for spectacles, simple things such as opening the dishwasher or oven will blind us (more so than usual) on a daily basis. Even something as simple as a cup of coffee or a bowl of soup on a cold night give us a case of the dreaded 'steam blindness'.

The Party Try On:
This is the very annoying situation when, at a party or bar etc, some jealous individual who has indulged in a few beverages comes up to the spectacle wearer with the same old story "I like your glasses, I think I need some, can I try on yours?". "Yes I'd love to take off the expensive, prescription apparatus the gives me the the ability to see properly just so you can see how you look in them". Uuuugh.

The Mosh Pit Dilemma:
As someone who enjoys attending the odd gig here and there, I am always confronted by the decision to wear or not wear my glasses at said gigs as both options have there own pros and cons. Wearing my glasses means I can actually see what the band is doing, but also that the mosh pit is a no-go area as the glasses will almost certainly get knocked off and trampled by other fans in attendance. Not wearing glasses means jumping around with all the other enthusiastic concert goers is possible but also turns the band into blurry smudges running around on the stage.

Phantom Nudge Syndrome:
This phenomenon occurs when I am not wearing my glasses for an extended period of time, such as during 'The Party Try On' or 'Mosh Pit Dilemma" as explained above for example. As a wearer of spectacles, you often find yourself having to push your glasses back to the top of your nose with your index finger. After a while, I guess this becomes a bit of a habit and now when not wearing my glasses I find that I still do this. Which looks quite ridiculous.

the fouriiiis awesome as awards 2008 (the faaa's)

2008-12-11T21:16:00.000+13:00

Welcome to the inaugural fouriiiis Awesome As Awards (or the FAAA's fo short). This a time for us here at fouriiiis to honour good as stuff, things, people or happenings that we have seen, discovered, met or participated in during the year. So let's jump right on in and hand out the first ever FAAA.

The FAAA for the
Most Awesome hXc Weekend

And the winner is… Jet Feeds

The very first FAAA goes out to master hoonbuckler the J, E, T Feeds for achieving the massive feat of rocking a birthday then two nights in Auckland for an A7X gig despite having a hernia operation just prior. Well played Jet Feeds, well played. Oh, and for any n00bs out there hXc is hardcore.

The FAAA for NZ Finally
Being Good As At Sports

And the winner is … The Kiwis

It's about time we won a World Cup at something awesome. Also beating the aussies was so, so sweet.

The FAAA for Most Awesome Yet Short-lived Blogging Rival

And the winner is… Badlands – A place for dope as shit

A worthy opponent with heaps funny articles, sadly this blog has gone into receivership, but not because of that crunchy credit problem we seem to be having. I guess he just couldn't foot it with the big guns of the blogosphere. Go here to read the awesome stuff he did manage to post.

The FAAA for the Most Good As Gadget

And the winner is… New Macbook

I love you Macbook don't ever leave me, well not till a newer, more delicious version of you is made available. Also Macbook, Congratulations on posting your first fouriiiis post. I know you were nervous, but you are doing great.

The FAAA for Most Hilarious Animal

And the winner is… Manatee

Not only is the Manatee a fouriiiis favourite, you the fouriiiis reader also voted it the most amusing animal in one of the monthly fouriiiis polls. What could be funnier than an animal that is kind of a cross between a cow and a whale with a bit of walrus thrown in there for good measure? If there is something, I haven't seen it. If you don't believe me check out the video for Nerf Herder's "I Am A Manatee" here.

The FAAA for Good As Funny Chap

And the winner is… Russell Brand

My new hero and current man-crush teeheehee lolz!!!1!1 But seriously, I am a big fan stand up fan and his stuff is some the most hilarious I have seen. I highly recommend watching all of the above show, Shame, and another one called Doing Life.

The FAAA for Best Facial Enhancement

And the winner is… The Beard

2008 is the year of the Beard, Mo's are so 2007. This can be proven by the fact that 66.6% of all current fouriiiis staff members sport one of these magnificent face pube forests.

The FAAA for the Best Piece of Good As Attire

And the winner is… The Sick Flan

The most stylish and practical piece of clothing available, the Sick Flan can be worn in many different ways. If you are cold it can be nice and cozy, buttoned up and sleeves down. If it's hot, no worries, unbutton that bad boy and roll up them sleeves. For anything in between, mix things up a bit. Perfect.

The FAAA for Sickest Quizmasters

And the winner is… Battlemode: Jet Feeds and Badlands

Any quiz with a round called "Who dey boobs?" is gonna end up being one of the most awesome nights ever. This was a classic Ghuz party with the added awesomeness of the funniest quiz ever. A highlight being the Edward Doctor Hands Bonus Round. Also that day I got steps.

Well I think that will just about do it for awesome as things for 2008, unless you guys have anything to add, just give me a holla and if the fouriiiis crew agree it is worthy we'll add it to the list.

pineapple is not a pizza topping

2008-09-09T17:12:00.000+12:00

This is just a quick wee post to vent a long time qualm of mine. A Hawaiian is not a pizza, it's a big happy guy with a floral shirt and a ukelele. Pizza is no place for fruit, and I know some of you out there will say "but fouriiiis, isn't the tomato a fruit?". To you people, shut up and click here as i have already dealt with this. Also dont get me started on apricot and cranberry sauce, as they also have no place in the wonderful world of pizza.

Keep pineapple where it belongs, in a can at the back of the pantry.

guest blog: that. was. awesome. by renee goodlet

2008-08-22T13:52:00.000+12:00

If there’s one thing everyone should see, it’s a Death Cab gig.
Not only is Ben Gibbard a lyrical (if depressing at times) genius, he’s a babe. Even sans girth and glasses (fouriiiis if we're getting technical), so not quite the Ben I remembered, but not disappointed.
And his shirt was hot.
I expected nothing but greatness, but I was blown the fuck away. If before I thought they were a good band, now they have surpassed that. It’s saying something when you are, if anything, better live.
I will follow them into the dark.

I need to point out that the elusive Dorkland blogmaster neglected to attend this delight of a concert and there has been much ribbing (for absolute months). It’s been good as ribbing I must add.
I was lucky enough to get to hang with the band; as you can see we had a great time.
(MS Paint (© 1981-2001) is no mans friend, even for this design graduate. But in this day and age and with all the spare time I obviously have for such projects, stepping up was a requirement). Don’t tell me to shhh.

Sydney however, is something to write home about (I did, a couple postcards).
Do I actually have a ‘cute accent’ or are you just gutted you sound stupid consistently? Austraya is not a country (hmmm reminds me of a previous blog typo. Speaking of typos, [sic] innaproraoitenesss).
Is it really that cold Sydnean’s? No.
Did I fuck up the international area code when giving my number to babes? Yes.

I had a point somewhere. I think it was Death Cab will make a grown man cry. And did.

All text and artwork supplied by Renee Goodlet © 2008.

the poo fairy: fact or fiction (definitely fact)

2008-08-07T21:01:00.000+12:00

OK, so this is not one of my most pleasant topics so far, but it is something that has been annoying me for quite some time. It is time to set the record straight, girls don't poo, it is time you ladies accepted the Poo Fairy into your lives, us fellas have acknowledged the existence of the Poo Fairy for many, many years.

The Poo Fairy bears many similarities to the Tooth Fairy, but instead of disposing of children's baby teeth in exchange for money under your pillow, she disposes of your female food waste (poo) during the night, leaving the gift of girls not pooing and more importantly, giving us male types the peace of mind that it is not happening. One major difference is that unlike the Tooth Fairy, it doesn't stop at baby poo, you receive the services of the Poo Fairy for your entire life.

I know that you girls think that you do the so-called 'business' the same way we do, but this is just one of the clever tricks of the Poo Fairy, she is quite a crafty little creature. With a quick dusting of Poo Fairy Dust™, she implants memories of you doing the business into your mind. What? You don't think she could do this? It's not possible? I hear you say. She's a little, flying magic person who steals your poo, she can do what she wants. Why she wants you to think you have done it when you haven't really, still baffles scientists to this very day, maybe she just likes to fuck with people. I mean, wouldn't you? it's not exactly the greatest job description is it?

Hopefully this has cleared things up, as I am sick of explaining this to you all. It amazes me that girls are not taught this from a very early age.

Girls don't poo. That would be yuck.

vote manatee

2008-08-07T20:29:00.000+12:00

I'm really rootin' for the manatee in this months fouriiiis poll, hopefully this video from nerf herder will swing your vote.

jfect craps all over the competion

2008-08-05T15:57:00.000+12:00

There was never really anyone else in it.

Next poll: Pick the most amusing animal, I ran out of four-related poll ideas.

fourtube 2: revenge of the squareiiiis

2008-07-22T11:28:00.000+12:00

Yes, it's that time again. Here are the latest things to tickle my giggle bones from youtube.

#1 Hatredcopter – Dethklok

Dethklok is a band featured in the cartoon Metalocalypse from Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. As far as I am concerned cartoon death metal is way more awesome than real life death metal.

#2 Turkish Star Wars

This guy makes Luke Skywalker look like a pussy, when was the last time you saw him drop kick rocks and make them explode to the tune from Indiana Jones?

#3 I'm Bo Yo – Bo Burnham

Take one nerdy dude in his bedroom, give him a keyboard, add a touch of rap and the result is awesomeness. He has other videos that I also encourage you to watch, they are also good as, Bo Fo' Sho' is another classic.

#4 Jet Feeds Dance Tutorial

fouriiiis Wellington Correspondent, Jet Feeds takes time out from commentating my drunken adventures (see below) to teach some followers the magic of dance.

Fouriiiis plays the "Midnight Special"

2008-07-12T02:34:00.000+12:00

Ahoy there it has been a slightly elongated expanse of time since my last post of ablogolypytical proportions, any way tonight I thought I'd simply commentate Fouriiiis himself.

Quote #1
No!!!! Look how much I'm scrotum!!!!

Quote #2
I wanna fuck myself!

Quote #3
I'm definately having a wee

Quote #4
Let me have a wee!!! I love a wee!!

Quote #5
I had a wee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote #6 YEAH!!!! YEAH!!!! yeah.....

Quote #7
NAAAA!!! its my house

Quote#8
I'm gonna root your mum!!!

So now I'm left with a dilemma, do I post pictures of my drunk blog boss on here or cover it up?
well.........

...look where trying to cover it up got Tony Veitch.

So here is hopkins trying to get close witme

the tomato is not a fruit

2008-07-09T21:51:00.000+12:00

It's something we've all heard from some jerk at some point, "You know, the tomato is actually a fruit". Now, I like a good slice of tomato as much as the next man, and yeah, I know that technically (and according to Wikipedia) it is a fruit, but as far as I'm concerned the humble tomato is just your run of the mill, delicious, everyday vegetable.

Look at the picture above, it's doesn't look right does it? Of course it doesn't, it's a fruit bowl, putting a tomato in there is like putting a potato or an onion in there, they just don't belong. The fruit bowl is where you head if you want a delicious, sweet healthy snack that requires no preparation. Unless you are one of those weirdo's that cuts up and cores an apple before they eat it, that's only ok if you are really old or an infant, but we'll save that for another day. If you are after a tomato for an after-school snack, perhaps a sandwich, where do you look first? That's right, your fridges VEGETABLE crisper. Weird place to look for a so-called fruit isn't it?

I'd like you to think of any salad you've ever had… go on have a good think, I'll wait. Tomatoes are pretty common place in the majority of them aren't they? As far as my salad experience goes, there are only two exceptions, the kiwi bbq favourite potato salad and one more that will likely make you think "Hey, this fouriiiis fella is on to something". Yes folks, I am talking about the FRUIT salad. The fruit salad is like a fruit party, to which everyone is invited except there is a sign on the door that says 'NO TOMATOES'. Not even the tomatoes midget cousin, the cherry tomato is welcome, despite the fruitier name.

The tomato is not a fruit, I don't care what you science guys say.

fouriiiis reader poll #2 results

2008-07-02T12:30:00.000+12:00

The little supermarket that could wins with a massive 52%

A huge congratulations is in order for 4 Square Supermarket which you have voted as your favourite thing with four in the name.

New poll up soon…

room with a view: an update of sorts

2008-06-30T20:22:00.000+12:00

Finally, fouriiiis has found it's new Auckland HQ after a couple of months living it up with the whanau I have found a place to call home. The above photo, if you hadn't guessed, is the stunning view from my bedroom window. Quite convenient if you're into that kinda thing I guess. But anyhoo, now that I have my trusty ol' eMac back in my possession, blog production should increase tenfold, well at least somefold.

Moving into a flat with people you don't know in a place you are not familiar with isn't always easy, here are a couple of quick things that might make things easier:

Don't leave the flat without your keys.
Don't leave the flat without your cellphone.
Don't leave the flat without your keys and your cellphone when it is raining really hard because you will have to sit outside by the strip club trying to figure out what to do until you realise that you have your flatmates number at work. Then you make the 20 minute journey between work and home for the fifth time that day only to get your flatmates answer phone. So you hang out at work for the next couple only hours while the cleaner vacuums around you till you get so fed up that you do the same walk for what is now the sixth time hoping that said flatmate is by some miracle home. Which luckily he is, leaving you soggy, pissed off and embarassed.

I may or may not have learnt this the hard way…

is it just me…

2008-06-20T10:36:00.000+12:00

or does the vero building in auckland look suspiciously like a toilet?

fouriiiis reader goes above and beyond the call of duty

2008-06-09T10:36:00.000+12:00

This photo was taken over the weekend by fouriiiis reader Renee Goodlet of Haines Wellington fame. It perfectly illustrates all my points in my early post hey jerkface put your collar down. Renee must be commended for her efforts to get this hilarious image. Sacrificing your phone number to 3 douchebags in matching Hallensteins 2 for $20 polo shirts for the amusement of me and other fouriiiis readers is well worthy of mad props and perhaps even some 'big ups'.

To all you other readers out there (I think there must be 5 or 6 of you now), reader participation is always welcome. If you come across anything hilarious, weird or chur, holla at me at danieljohnhopkins@gmail.com

When tattoos go wrong

2008-06-08T12:10:00.000+12:00

parsley: attractive garnish or unpleasant annoyance?

2008-06-04T13:28:00.000+12:00

For me it would have to be the latter. The parsley garnish seems to be as kiwi as buzzy bees and marmite. It is used on everything from the classic kiwi reduced cream and onion soup dip to decorating a plate of sandwiches. We are talking about that curly parsley here, you know the one that looks a bit like leafy pubes, not the far more classy flat leaf (sometimes called italian) one. Just the other day I ordered a plate of wedges, and you guessed it right there in the middle of the sour cream was a big sprig (is it called a sprig? anyhoo…) of leafy pube parsley. Are you expected to eat this? because I have and it was unpleasant. I know a garnish is primarily for decoration, but there are better looking, less offensive and far more tasty herbs out there, chives for example. Surely a garnish can be both attractive and delicious. What's worse is when some unimaginative chef has sprinkled chopped parsley all over your meal, so that it is impossible to pick it off and put it to the side of your plate where all parsley garnishes end up. This kind of garnishing is also very likely the culprit of many of those times when you have something green thing stuck between your teeth. This then leads to you thinking some hot babe is smiling at you when she is really laughing at you, definately not with you. I hate you parsley, stay away from my plate. Your mum told me you were adopted and that your parents were cousins.

the poll's closed the votes are final and we have a winner

2008-06-03T16:34:00.000+12:00

Scrooge McDuck wins in a landslide

Scrooge has taken out the first fouriiiis poll with a whopping 61% and now has the honour of being the fouriiiis readers favourite famous fouriiiis. Poor ghandi only 2 votes.

New poll up soon, when I think of something.

Exclusive interview with jbads about the blogosphere.

2008-05-29T00:20:00.000+12:00

JF: Welcome to the very first fouriiiis blogosphere word association challenge. With me I have Badlands of jbads.wordpress.com as first to the plate. And without further delay, the first word is:

Nuance.

JF: Wanky art school pretentions geek wearing a beret. Lattes in the daytime. Merlot by night.

BL: The meteorological wind system over desert and plane areas.

Pontoon.

JF: A pontoon has an insatiable appetite for younger players. She flirts like a cougar, and is known for being a tease. She's had many sexual partners in the past and therefore knows what she want, and has settled on money and fresh dick. She is not shy about rooting her college student sons friends.

BL: The type of orgasm a lady experierences when using a detatcheable shower nozzle on said clitoris.

JF: Haha classic Badlands. Always talking about the boonge.

Next up in the high stakes association:

Fast China Min.

JF: A snowboarding move in which the rider maenouvres themself whilst in mid-air to an inverted vertical position and simultaneously inserts 13 grains of rice into their japs eye.

BL: I would like to say a military marching pattern but I want to hear more from Jet Feeds.

JF: What sorta jet feeds you looking for?

JF: The most impossible sentence you could say while burping.

Privvy.

BL: A word used by generation Y teens in the context "Mi G0d, thats soo Privvy". When recieving texts relating to things that they're not allowed to do. ie: Go to a party.

JF: My shaving rash is giving me privvy right now.

And thats all I gotsta say. Except that I've been shaving everywhere.

JF: Jus. Doesn't even sound safe to have around food. So why they putting it on our fucken dinners. Everything you order is covered in Jus, you can't get away from it.

The Company Dinner

2008-05-29T00:05:00.000+12:00

According to Wikipedia ( therefore the bible ) Company Dinner is described as :

food consumed at the expense of the higher echelon of the particular company you
work for, whence upon you have not a care as to the amougly eat actual which younof t

Shit is fucked when your wasted

fourtube: the adventure begins, first edition, may 2008

2008-05-27T10:33:00.000+12:00

Welcome to the first edition of fourtube, which is (hopefully) to become a regular post on fouriiiis. fourtube, as the name suggests, will be a monthly (perhaps weekly) round-up of four youtube clips I have seen recently that I find interesting, weird, far too much awesome or just downright hilarious.

Ooh nice logo, the sick fouriiiis frames have been turned into little TV's, how clever?

#1 Powerthirst

This is ad for the fantasy energy drink POWERTHIRST has been around on the interweb for a while now but I saw it again recently. It actually made me laugh out loud, none of that onscreen LOL crap. With such brilliance as 'It's an energy drink for men, MENERGY!' this is not to be missed. There are even some merch on the interweb here. If anyone wants to buy me a present I would like the 'TURBOPUNS' t-shirt please.

#2 Adventure Time

A weird little Nickelodeon cartoon. Very amusing.

#3 How to poop

Umm… I don't even know what to say about this. Little cartoon tiger goes to the toilet. Japan + Cartoons = What the fuck?

#4 Super Bingo

Another rib-tickler from the Powerthirst guys, but this time about bingo. "You'll win so much money you'll be able to afford business lobster."

I hope you enjoyed round one, check back for round 2 when I feel like doin it.

kermit's mum was a dirty slut in a weird kind of way

2008-05-19T13:17:00.000+12:00

Recently I stumbled upon some evidence that lead me to believe that Kermit The Frog is the bastard son of a man-hole cover, yea that's right I said man-hole cover. I know that is an inanimate object but the evidence is just too strong to ignore. Here's what I discovered so you can all make up your own mind.

Exhibit A: "He has his fathers eyes"

(or if you want Exribbit A, hahaha shit, I'm on fire today.)

You know how when babies are born some blind auntie or senile ol' grandma says "ohhhh, he has his fathers eyes. Well, I bet noone was saying that when Kermit was born. I was walking to work this morning when I noticed something strangely familiar about a manhole cover type thing I was about to walk over. Then it struck me like a a nasty bout of diarrhea. Look closely at the image above, what do you see? That's right, Kermit's Eyes are exactly the same shape as the holes of the manhole cover on the right that I photographed this morning. I feel sorry for poor ol' Kermit The Frog Senior, hopefully he never realised, like me, that his so-called loving wife had been fooling around with the steel and concrete that the council uses to cover the holes they use to have access to under the road.

Exhibit B: The Truth is in her eyes.
(the above image is an artists impression of what Mrs the Frog's eyes look like… probably.

You have probably never noticed before, but take a look at Kermit's pupils in the top image, they are a pretty unusual shape aren't they? I have a funny felling that that Mrs The Frog hads quite normal round pupils (as seen above) like everyone else and those funny shaped ones came from her 'bit on the side', Mr Man-Whole Cover.

These two striking pieces of evidence are what lead me to the assumption that Kermit The Frog's mother was nothing more than an unfaithful, lying, man-hole deflowering, fly eating (well, she is a frog after all) dirty old women with a roading equipment fetish. Kermit The Frog Senior was prolly none the wiser, poor old sausage.

But you can make up your own mind…

the fouriiiis mid winter xmas party

2008-05-19T13:15:00.000+12:00

The 1st annual fouriiiis mid winter xmas party was last week and proved to be a rollicking success. Never has so much g00n been guzzled on two consecutive school nights. Mad props to the fouriiiis Wellington entourage for making the journey north, much appreciated. Hope to see you all again next year.

Also I notice we have reached over 200 hits in the 2 weeks since I added a counter, pretty impressive I reckon.

Check out that mistletoe made from the fouriiiis logo, clever huh?

Fouriiiis, but only one sleep left

2008-05-12T09:47:00.000+12:00

Thats Right!!!!!

Tomorrow I will be travelling to the city ofahhhhhhhhhh its too late

which sand?

2008-05-06T16:43:00.001+12:00

Apparently the folks over at jbads.wordpress.com have taken to checking the spelling and grammar of posts on our site, how nice of them. What a pity then, that their own site is not up to their own high standards. Perhaps you should take your own advice.

captain fouriiiis says…

2008-05-06T15:27:00.001+12:00

Jet Feeds Has Left His Mark In Yet Another Ladies Toilet Stall

2008-05-06T13:31:00.000+12:00

As You can See from the image my Australian correspondent, and expat kiwi, Gem Feeds (named so cos we is cuzzies) has been spreading post-it-note goodness in Melbourne bathrooms, I'm not sure if she was taking a huge dump at the time, but lets just imagine for a while that she was.

Gem is going to be sending me photos from abroad in a segment I'm going to publish on here called 'Badlands, who you got covering the Australian front?' in case you are wondering about the title, Fouriiiis has some competition in the blogging arena from Badlands himself, so check out http://jbads.wordpress.com/ and see fo' yo'self who got the blog-a-billities.

And the first segment from Gemma:

Badlands, who you got covering the Australian front?

This photo was taken down the road from where Gem Feeds is based in Melbourne. She is quite often found wandering down to the Dick and is usually found afterwards lying on the ground giggling/spewing from too much 'juice' from said 'Dick'.

Snipes Out

As it gets colder things piss me off more.

2008-05-05T12:03:00.000+12:00

Well it was really neat to see that Wellington still kicks Aucklands ass where it counts.

Any way I have a couple of things that piss me right off at the moment.

You know on tv or just in general when people get hit by a bus, fall from a building, ellectrocute themselves or seriously endanger themselves and survive? usually a paramedic or a bystander will tell them to go by a lotto ticket, because they have obviously shown they can wield a tremendous amount of luck if the situation requires. But don't by a lotto ticket seriously, don't get all greedy up on that shit. How much luck you reckon you got left after that? Well I have put together a graph to illustrate my point.

As you can see not much luck left.

Another little qualm I have is, why is it that if someone asks you a question and the answer is, "not many", then they try to copy a shit rapper by saying 'iphenny' (loosely translated from Shit Rappian to english this means "if any"). If You answer me in this way I will actually stab your first born child right in the mouth, so you have been warned. Any way it is now 4 sleeps till I have my operation, and I do want presents and visits, so please remember me in my hour of need.

Snipes out!

round one, the battle begins…

2008-05-02T16:06:00.000+12:00

Now that I have been living in Auckland for a month and a bit, I thought it would be a good time to point out some pros and cons of my former and current places of residence. We'll start with the cons.

Auckland CONS

I'm still homeless.
I haven't had a hangover in 5 weeks.
Everything is spread out – you have to get public transport if you are like me and don't drive, which brings me to my next point.
The public transport here ain't that great, trains and buses especially.
Haven't seen Double Brown anywhere.
I just saw a picture of Jet Feeds sack on my blog (not really Auckland's fault, but I happened to be in Auckland when i saw it.
Everyone says the weather in Wellington is poos, but since i have been here the weather as been 90% cloudy and raining.
I tripped up and made a fool of myself disembarking the ferry the other day.
My desk no longer goes up and down at the flick of a switch.

WellingCONS (see what I did there, clever huh?)

I must admit, the winter weather ain't that great.
CG (Closet Guy), a dirty, smelly, thieving, p smoking, former flatmate of mine probably still lives there.
Usually gets bypassed by the bigger bands, is getting better though.
The paving stones on Cuba St get awfully slippery when wet, can be quite embarrassing.
Most of the HBHC cuzzies live there and i don't.
Wellington zoo is pretty poo.

Now for the exciting part, the pros.

Auckland PROS

Good as bands come here all the time.
Going to work on the ferry every day is pretty chur.
I can get to a bar from work without going outside.
Seems to be alot of babes about the place.
The zoo here is much more awesome.
I just made a sandwich.
Seems to be less pigeons here.

Wellington PROS

Everything you need is within walking distance.
Double Brown is readily available.
I got my first iPod whilst living in Wellington.
Most of my cuzzies live there.
The blog fouriiiis.blogspot.com originated there.
There is a good as coffee machine in the Haines Wellington office.
Satay Palace and Wholly Bagel are there.
The Ghuz.
Battlemode is a Wellington band.
Wellingtonians are way better at getting on the h00nlash.

So there we have it, the scores are in and after only 5 short weeks, Wellington appears to have a slight edge.

Wellington with out the hopkins

2008-05-01T22:16:00.000+12:00

Things have changed in the past 4 weeks, and I bet jet feeds can back that up. Wellington has become a little bit more mundane, and also a little more sober.

Both equally bad, worse together.

A number of party-hard folk (80% of the fouriiiis readers) have left for bigger smog.

Hopkins. Webmaster extraoidanaire off to Auckland chasing the all-mighty dollar.

Hayden. Jager master off to chase the tail in London.

Gemma. Bone wizard following cheap pills to Melbourne.

You're all v missed, and things just don't seem the same here without you all. My next VB (in a few minutes) goes out to all of you.

Jet Feeds my thoughts will be with you and your sack on May 9th.

Jet Feeds To Lose Third Nut

2008-05-01T14:54:00.000+12:00

Hello Interweb readers - a quick note

I have a third nut (hernia)

I'm going to be having surgery on Friday May 9th

This is sad news because I'm going to Auckland to spend some time @ the fouriiiis mid winter christmas party, and I wont be able to mosh for the entertainment that hopkins is putting on - so everyone knows, this years Fouriiiis mid winter xmas party is at the Auckland town hall and will feature Avenged Sevenfold, Bulet for My Valentine, and Atreyu.

Anyway I won't be able to drink or partake in illicit substances - I will however have lots of prescription painkillers for sale so if you want you may contact me and we'll sort something out.

Thank you and EASSSSS

honourary fouriiiis #2

2008-04-23T13:00:00.000+12:00

As you can see below the fouriiiis family has grown again.
Welcome aboard Jet Feeds.

Jet Feeds in the Mother-For-Crying-Out-Loud House

2008-04-23T12:08:00.000+12:00

Hi I'm Jet Feeds.

I dont know how to do tech stuff as techly as Hopkins but I can work Times New Roman like noooobodies business. Anyway Hopkins used to be my flatmate now he's just my mate, my only AKL mate that isn't related to me.

Anyway you can contact me directly on 027 282 2058 at any time day or night, in fact especially night. I love being woken up cos it means I get to do stuff.

I'll be posting things on here from time to time to keep everyone interested, so thanks Phwoaaariiiis, and thank you internet.

Snipes Out

Jet Feeds

a dog wearing a hat? that's soooooo random!

2008-04-10T16:00:00.000+12:00

No it isn't! Someone put it there, if you put say, 20 dogs and 100 hats in a big ol' bag and shook it about a bit and then after that the dog came out wearing any particular hat that would be pretty random.

The word random has been completely ruined for me. Whenever i hear it now, even if used correctly, I cringe. If I happen to say it in a sentence I feel like a moron.

Teenage girls seem to be the main culprit of the misuse of what was once a fine word. 'Random' seems to be the new 'and like'. What used to be "Jenny and Dave were in the kitchen, and like they we're all like pashing up and stuff, and like Jenny's boyfriend Steve was like 10 metres away in the lounge doing beer bongs with his buddies" is now "Jenny and Dave were in the kitchen and they we're all like pashing up and stuff, and Jenny's boyfriend Steve was only 10 metres away in the lounge doing beer bongs with his buddies. It was SOOOOOO random I couldn't believe it". Again, no it isnt! Jenny and Dave knew exactly what they were doing, well… even if they were so drunk that they didn't really know what they were doing it wouldn't be random. If perhaps, an even amount of horny dudes and girls, all with blind folds, ear plugs and wearing the same deodorant were put into a room and Jenny and Dave ended up playing a bit of the ol' tonsil hockey, the assumption of randomness would be true.

So prevalent is this phenomena, that it has started to affect the fashion world. (Damn, what a sentence. Well played fouriiiis) Wearing rainbow socks with separate toes or highlighter t-shirt that says 'BITCH WITH ATTITUDE' in huge block type is considered 'SOOOOOO random' and therefore cool in the wearers eyes. Desperate to stay 'in' with the hip young generation, the major clothing brands have all bought into this. Surf brands such as Ripcurl, Billabong, Quiksilver etc etc are prime examples. A huge percentage of their clothing is covered in 'random' scribbles, splatters and handwritten words. Theres has been countless times where I have been in a shop and have thought "that's a pretty chur looking shirt" only turn it around and find that the back looks like a 15 year olds pencil case. Frustrates me like nobody's business.

So, next time you are about to throw words around willy nilly, stop and think am i using this in the right context. because you may well be ruining that word for a certain fouriiiis.

honourary fouriiiis

2008-03-27T15:18:00.001+13:00

Introducing Bradley Minton, honourary fouriiiis and newly appointed Wellington Correspondent for fouriiiis.blogspot.com

JAFA: Just Another Fouriiiis Aucklander

2008-03-26T11:39:00.000+13:00

Yep, unfortunately fouriiiis hq and I are moving to Auckland, leaving my beloved Wellington behind. This is also the reason for the lack of posts recently as I have been preparing for the big move. But fear not, due to lack of many friends in Auckland post numbers should skyrocket. My mac operating days are over as I have been offered a position too good to turn down in the 'City of Sails'.

Also, I will soon announce the newly appointed fouriiiis Wellington Correspondent…

dear 'dobbo'

2008-03-12T14:17:00.000+13:00

Dear Mr Howard Dobson,

I like sports as much as the next man, perhaps more. In fact I thoroughly enjoy maxin' and relaxin' with a cuppa and catching up on what's happening in the sporting world by watching the sports segment on the news. But your show, Hyundai Sports Tonight, weeknights on TV3 I find unbearable to watch. I have some suggestions to improve your show ad make it watchable for the general public, they are as follows:

Perhaps you could use your inside voice, you're in our lounges not across a rugby paddock. There's no need to shout, we have these magic things called remote controls that have volume control that we can turn up if we need to hear you more clearly.
I think it is time you dropped the nickname 'Dobbo', which I can only imagine you gave to yourself, if you want to become a respected sports journalist. Look at others at the top of your profession, noone calls John Campbell 'Cambo' or Caroline Ryan 'Cazza'.
You aren't a comedian, stop making jokes they aren't funny.
You look funny in pinstripes, sort it out.

I hope you take these suggestions into consideration, your ratings would skyrocket.

Your sincerely,
Daniel Hopkins
Webmaster
fouriiiis – a place for chur as stuff

8-biiiit reminiscing

2008-03-12T14:05:00.000+13:00

This is quite possibly the most awesome thing the ol' interweb has offered me in a while, 100 NES (The first Nintendo Entertainment System, for you n00bs) games that you can play right in your browser. All hail the interweb!

Link that shits up here.

walking etiiiiquette

2008-03-04T12:36:00.000+13:00

Today kids, we are gonna talk about how to walk about the place without causing grief to other pedestrians and moaning ol' bloggers such as myself.

Because I live in Wellington, where pretty much everything you need is within walking distance (and I also can't drive), I do a fair bit of walking everyday. walking is something we learn at a fairly young age, but seem people as adults seem to be not very good at it.

Here are four types that I have to deal with on a daily basis:

#1 Stop-to-talk-in-the-middle-of-the-footpathers:
These are those particularly annoying people who stop to talk to a friend (or whoever I don't care) right in front of you in the middle of a very busy footpath. This causes you to jam on the brakes/feet to avoid crashing into them and makes everybody have to manoeuver around them. Come on people, move to the side.

#2 Walk-slow-in-groups-so-noone-can-get-pasters:
These people occupy the entire width of the footpath in groups of about four. They are obviously in no hurry to get to their destination as they walk at a pace comparable to that of a sloth with arthritis. Very annoying if you are late for work or a beer.

#3 Pass-you-and-then-walk-real-slow-in-front-of-youers
You know those people who speed up to pass you when you are on the open road and then slow down to slightly under the speed limit, these jerks are the walking equivalent. They are also quite likely to be the same jerks that push all the way to the front of the crowd at the pedestrian crossing, only to walk ridiculously slow when the green man lights up.

#4 Which-way-should-I-goers
This one everyone is guilty of, even me, the one who is doing all the moaning about it. It's that strange little thing when someone is walking right towards you and you try to sidestep them and they step the same way, so you step the other way, but they do that too. This can happen four or so times before you finally and awkwardly get by them.

So to all the above people, maybe next time you are out walking about you could pass a thought for your fellow pedestrians.

Anyone think of any other bad walking habits?

iiii want one of these

2008-02-25T11:22:00.000+13:00

These cardboard boom box ipod speakers are awesome.
Found them at Suck UK, there is lots of chur as stuff there.

a doco for mac operators such as myself…

2008-02-22T11:45:00.000+13:00

This doco, Macheads, about how fanatical Mac users are sounds awesome. Can't wait till it comes out.

8-legged dick joke

2008-02-18T09:45:00.000+13:00

I was at a party on the weekend and noticed this rather amusing shape in a spider web. Apparently some spiders have a sense of humour, I bet this guy gets all the babe spiders.P.S. we totally didn't touch this, that's completely how we found it.

1337iiiis

2008-02-13T11:31:00.000+13:00

The 1337 Eye Chart seemed perfect for a blog named fouriiiis.Found via neatorama.

what do you do when you run out of things to blog about?

2008-02-12T14:48:00.000+13:00

…post some of your favourite youtube clips of course! (and besides that, i just learnt how to embed youtube vids in my blog. A big chur to Shaun at GuildedAngel for learning me that.)

#1 Montgomery Flea Market (Jus' like a mini mall)
One of my most favourite vids ever, first time i saw this was side splittingly good and still gives me a giggle whenever i see it. Low cost cable advertising + quite terrible rapping = hilarious.

#2 Swimming Sloth
I don't know quite what it is about this, but there's just something about a sloth in the water that cracks me up. It really looks like it shouldn't stay afloat.

#3 Look Around You – Maths
Look Around You is a BBC series of old school educational video take-offs. This one, Maths, is my favourite but there are heaps.

#4 Why Must I Cry
This video is hilarious but also quite sad at the same time, because you get the feeling this guy is taking this quite serious. I have yet to figure out why the video flicks between shots of him showering and shots of him driving.

FAILiiiis

2008-02-04T16:18:00.000+13:00

These FAIL pics have been circulating the ol' interweb for a while and some are quite hilarious (the one above for instance) and it was inevitable that someone would start The FAIL Blog. Anyhoo, after seeing a bunch of these i realised we had a pretty major FAIL right here in our fair city of Wellington, the balconies on the side of the Southern Cross Apartments. How useful, balconies without doors to them…

i don't believe in dog years

2008-01-25T10:24:00.000+13:00

There is a popular myth is that 1 human year equals 7 dog years, but according to Wikipedia there are far more complicated ways of working it out.

As far as i'm concerned there is no such thing. Anyone that tells me there dog is "48 in dog years" is a giant douche and i hate them. Humans invented the concept of time. There is no special doggie time. They don't mark special dates in little doggie calendars. They don't check there little doggie watch to see if they are late for doggie work. They only have birthdays if they have stupid owners who have nothing better to do than knit them little doggie jumpers.

Dogs are our pets, they can live by our time.

sausgages and strappleberries

2008-01-22T11:36:00.000+13:00

Took this pic whilst picking up supplies for my new years adventures. Way to go Pak n' Save Tamatea, nice spelling.This outside an orchard somewhere between Wellington and Palmy North. The idea of a sign for strawberries in the shape of an apple just made me giggle.

fouriiiis immortalised in chalk

2008-01-22T11:34:00.000+13:00

My artistic skills are simply amazing.

respect from fatwreck

2008-01-18T12:40:00.000+13:00

Just saw this on fatwrecks Floyd Says section. Awesome.

Also amuses me that australians is spelt wrong.

a qualm about a store that sucks

2008-01-16T09:35:00.000+13:00

Hahaha, i crack me up, but seriously. Why oh why do we need a chain of dirty great stores that sell only vacuum cleaners?

We don't need a specialised store for this, there are plenty of department stores that sell vacuum cleaners but they also have a range of other products. It's not like they are a regular purchase, i'm pretty sure my folks have had theirs for well over ten years. I can understand a little privately owned store the sells and fixes vacuums run by a little old man that knows far too much about vacuum cleaners. But Godfreys' stores are on a similar scale to electronics stores that also so sell tv's stereos computers etc etc. Who really needs that kinda range when it comes to vacuuming. At the most you need 2 choices, Big and Small. If you have a big house choose a big vacuum cleaner. Small house, Small vacuum cleaner. Easy!

I hate you Godfreys.

P.S. I also hate the wacky inflatable arm flailing tube men you have outside your stores.

my sentiments exactly

2008-01-11T16:35:00.000+13:00

Just saw this on the interweb, glad to see i'm not the only one that feels this way.

See my post, hey jerkface put your collar down.

speed quarters: a 'how to' guide

2008-01-08T16:28:00.000+13:00

Here's the basics of how to play the drinking game speed quarters, that i've been taught this year. Actually it was last year, but meh. It is perhaps the best drinking game ever.
Aim of the game:
To get other people hoonbuckled as fuck by bouncing coins into cups.

What you'll need:
3 x Cups – it's good if two are the same. Plastic cups are best but if not available some shitty ones that noone really wants will suffice.
1 x Table – flat wooden tables seem to work best here (especially pinus radiata i'm told). Glass also works but outdoors bbq tables with gaps between the planks can make life difficult.
1 x Soup Rag – a dish cloth/towel/tea towel/whatever for cleaning up spillages (the soup)
A bunch of the same coins – 10 and 20 cent pieces usually work best
4 or more players – any less makes the hoonbuckling progress too quickly (unless that's what you're into)
Craploads of beers – Dou Bros (see fouriiis beer awards) are perfect

How to play:
Place the one different cup in the centre, fill to top with beer (the first one should always be a doozie). Decide the two people who are gonna start, it must be people on opposite sides of the table (if there are n00bs playing make them start) and give them a cup each. To start the game, the two people starting put a fist each in the center with a coin on the top, after a countdown they flick the coin up, catch it and play can begin. The object of the game is to bounce a coin into your cup and once you have got it in you pass the cup to the person next to you. For the hoonbuckling to begin one cup must catch up to the other cup and be clinked. The person whose cup is clinked must chug back the booze from the centre cup and then refill, this must before you start trying to get the coin in the cup again. All the while everyone else carries on and tries to get you again. This can keep on going as long you want, usually finishes when someone gets too hammered and bails out.

Additional Rules:
Double – if you have the confidence in your bouncing capabilities to go for 2 in a row and succeed you can place your cup wherever you want in the circle. Awesome for ganging up on people.
Cheating – excessive cheating (i.e. pushing the other cup out of the way) can result in a 10 second penalty, for which your cup is turned up-side down whilst everyone else continues.

Popular Sayings:
"Get 'im again!"
"Soup for one"
… hmm thought there were more, anyone think of more?

Added by 'Anonymous'
"Rim Job"
"Soup for two"
"Soup Rag"

time to get my blog on again

2008-01-08T15:47:00.000+13:00

Apologies for lack of posts over the summer break. Actually, screw you guys it was my summer holidays i had far too much booze-hooning, beach going to, fishing, jandal wearing and christmas ham eating to do. Sitting at a computer and typing things for my 3 or so readers was not of high priority.
Anyhoo, now that the hazey 2 weeks that was my holiday is over, i vow to get back into it.

fouriiiis good as beers awards 2007

2007-12-19T11:58:00.000+13:00

Here are my favourite beers for the year split into four (obviously) categories.

The Dairy Value 6 pack Award:
Victoria Bitter Cans (AKA Veebs)

Costing between $8.99 and $9.99 VB is usually the cheapest option at most dairies, and with each can at 375mL and 4.9% alcohol provides great value for that mid-week or sunday afternoon hoon. The flavour isn't spectacular but definately drinkable. Also the can structure seems to be perfect for Dr Brewa's (most one hit Dr Brewa's have been from veebs cans).

The Good As Get On The Hoon (But Not Exactly The Tastiest) Beer Award:
Double Brown 20 Box (AKA Dou Bros)
Dou Bros can always be relied upon to be no more than a dollar a beer. This beer is not for a wee tipple on a sunday afternoon, these are for when you mean business and are getting on the hoonbuckle hard. Great for birthdays, road trips, saturdays and any time there is a wah (beer bong to you non-Hawkes Bay people) around. The price and the fact that you have 20 beers also means they are chur for sharing, especially with those people who try to get out of drinking games by saying they don't have beer.

The Good As Priced But Also Tastes Good Award:
Export Dry
Judged the world's best lager in 1994 and reasonably priced at around $20 a fifteen box (was $15 a couple of weeks ago, that was awesome), you can't go wrong here. Good all round beer, good for hooning out on any occasion.

Fouriiiis Favourite for 2007 Award:
Macs Sassy Red
Not the manliest name ever but is my current favourite beer of all. This is the beer i turn to when taste is important not just hoonability. Also the Macs range have the best designed labels and packaging i have seen on any beer. Epic lager is a close second here. Awesome name and good as taste.

a whopperless burger king?

2007-12-17T22:39:00.000+13:00

What would happen if BK took the whopper off the menu? Very clever advertising by Burger King. Watch the video here.

fouriiiis four favourite falbums for two fousand and seven

2007-12-17T11:48:00.000+13:00

Alliteration aside, here's my four favourite albums of this year. Stole the idea from Shaun at guildedangel but i'm sure he'll be cool with it.

#1 Cartel – Cartel
Good as very catchy pop-punk album. Have hooned this album out lots and still not sick of it, especially fond of track seven 'Wasted', Wyclef Jeans reggae remix of this is also pretty chur. Also the album art is probably my first equal favourite along with Motion City Soundtrack's 'Even If It Kills Me'.

#2 Enter Shikari – Take To The Skies
Trance + Hardcore = Chur, Whodda thunk it? Not me, but it works. Awesome album, if i end up heading to the BDO 08 these guys will be one of the main reasons. 'Sorry You're Not a Winner' with it's clapping chorus is a good as, booze-hooning sing along (also features on the TOC 07 Compilation 'Hopkins: Never Stunk So Swell'.)

#3 Streetlight Manifesto – Somewhere In The Between
Streetlight's long awaited second album doesn't disappoint, still the best ska band out there. The horn section is awesome on this album. My personal favourite track is the first single 'We Will Fall Together' which has a very chur piratey video that you can watch here.

#4 Strung Out – Black Hawks Over Los Angeles
Yet another awesome album from Strung Out. Standout track for me is 'Dirty Little Secret' a good as catchy punk rock song. Really hope these guys tour here again soon.

Other notable mentions…
Motion City Soundtrack – Even If It Kills Me
Cobra Starship – Viva La Cobra
Dizzee Rascal – Maths and English
The Bled – Silent Treatment
Four Year Strong – Rise Or Die Trying

Your Favourites?

lazy fouriiis…

2007-12-17T11:34:00.000+13:00

Apologies for the lack of updates over the last week or so, too much booze hooning too little blogging shit up.

revolutionary wireless reading device?

2007-12-12T10:34:00.000+13:00

This banner ad for amazon's new ebook reader gave me a bit of a giggle this morning. The tagline is what got me, 'wireless reading device' sounds alot like those things we have been reading for many many years, BOOKS!

hey jerkface put your collar down

2007-12-07T14:44:00.000+13:00

Today's wee moan is about the peroxide blonde spiked generation, there are too many things about these guys that grind my gears, so today i will concentrate on their pastel coloured polo shirts with the collars up.

In the past the upturned collar has had a purpose, in 1929 René Lacoste (7 time grand slam tennis champion) decided that the stiff dress shirts and ties usually worn by tennis players were too cumbersome and uncomfortable for the tennis court. So he design the tennis shirt or as it is more commonly known these days, the polo shirt, which had thick pique collar that one would wear turned up in order to block the sun from one's neck. This is perfectly fine as protection from the sun and skin cancer is very important.

But it is when the spikey haired douchebags are out 'clubbin' as they call it, that they are more likely to have their collars at their highest. I don't get it, it looks fucking ridiculous. But I do have a theory.

The peacock theory: They think it will pull the ladies because male peacocks raise their tail feathers behind their heads to attract a mate and it seems to work for them.

Nope, sorry mate it is gonna alot more than spiked hair, your sunglasses still on your head (even though it is obviously dark), excess lynx deoderant and an upturned baby blue collar for you to attract a mate. Perhaps a couple hundred dollars and a dodgy alley…

P.S. All you shitty surf labels (Rip Curl and Billabong, for example) stop encouraging this by printing your logo in some ugly scrawly looking handwritten font (if you can call it that), on the back of the collar. Shame on you.

if only i had my camera this morning…

2007-12-05T16:48:00.000+13:00

… i would have a brilliant photo of 2 prissy fancy looking girls doing their make-up at the lights fully unaware that their large starbucks mocha-crappacino (or whatever) was perched on the roof of their car (some red hatchback thing). Made my morning. I promise to keep my camera on me whenever possible from now on to prevent further such misfortunes.

witty illustrations

2007-12-04T13:00:00.000+13:00

Made me laugh even their name is witty, lie-ins and tigers

found via the serif

a wee qualm…

2007-11-29T14:51:00.000+13:00

What is it with all the jerkbags out there that think they need to push the button at pedestrian crossings more than once? This is fine for children to do, because when you are 5 buttons are fun. But is totally unacceptable when some 40 year old, suit toting, balding, soy latte drinking douche bag walks up and pushes the button 5-10 times when there is already a bunch of people there waiting to cross the road and the little red 'dont cross' man is already lit. Chill out dude, it's not like the little red guy is gonna notice this and think "Hey, I better stop all this heavy traffic this guy seems in a hurry". Also if i am standing waiting at the crossing and the red guy is lit, I have already pushed the button, therefore the crossing is activated. So there is no reason to stand right next to me and push it again, jeez.

So remember if you are one of these button over-pushers:
Red Man Lit = Crossing Activated

P.S. I know that it is ironic that i had to unnecessarily had to push the button to get the above photo. But I can justify it with wanting to get my point across.

you know whats real good?

2007-11-27T23:11:00.000+13:00

Roast dinner and beers on a tuesday night. Nuff said.

4 good as christmas wishes for fouriiiis

2007-11-27T12:34:00.000+13:00

With christmas on the way i thought i would point out 4 very chur presents that I want but may or may not get…

#4. Ultimate Collector's Millennium Falcon

What man (or woman, I guess they like Star Wars and Lego too) wouldn't want to sit inside all summer building this uber chur 5195 piece monstrousity of a Lego model. Not me that's for sure.
But with a price tag that almost matches the models size, $999.95, it is highly unlikely that i will get it.

#3. Helvetica: A Documentary Film by Gary Hustwit

Good as documentary about the worlds most widely used font. Very entertaining, funny even.
Can be purchased here if any certain family members happen to be reading this.

#2. R/C Desktop Forklift

Ever been on the hoonjuice and left your beer at the other end of the table, but you don't wanna get up for fear of losing you seat? Problem solved.

#1. THE GAMERATOR: Arcade Cabinet / Kegerator Hybrid!
Plays 180+ classic arcade titles & built-in kegerator.
What's better than your own personal arcade machine? An arcade machine with a keg and tap of course. Chur.
Again though, i think a hefty price of $3100 US will mean this wont be sitting under the tree on christmas morning.

creepy ass pirate costume

2007-11-27T11:26:00.000+13:00

Came across this whilst looking for ideas for my work christmas party that has a pirate theme. Something about this guy just makes me feel uneasy. It could be his particularly soft clean looking hair that matches his soft clean perfectly trimmed moustache. Maybe it's the fact that he looks as though he has been sobbing and his make-up has run. Or perhaps it's the cocoa powder stubble he is sporting. Anyhoo, I strongly advise you to not accept a ride in a car or candy from anyone that looks like this…

fouriiiis is open fo' bidness – post #1

2007-11-26T21:03:00.000+13:00

I am gonna dedicate my first post to a real good as web comic, Married to the Sea. Married To The Sea is created by Drew and Natalie Dee and has given my many a giggle during dull times at work (bah, who am i kidding, i check it even if i am busy). Drew and Natalie also have their own comics, Drew's is Toothpaste for Dinner and Natalie's is Natalie Dee. All are updated daily and all are quite hilarious.